Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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