is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
