Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
