I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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