Fuck appropriateness.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
