Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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