so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
