I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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