Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
