So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
