Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
