You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh god the rape fog is back!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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