is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
