Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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