I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
