Don't you send me to vm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
