You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize