I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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