i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
