I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
