I cannot find my penis.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
