On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
