Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
