WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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