I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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