my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize