She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
