I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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