Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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