it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
