she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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