five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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