The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found puke in my bra..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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