I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
