You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
