Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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