Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
