You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
