why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
