i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
