alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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