Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
