Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
