so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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