It's Friday. Sex?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
