He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
