ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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