she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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