Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
