Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You ruined the universe
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
