I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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