i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
