WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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