I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
