You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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