I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
