Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
