even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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