Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
