Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
