4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
