I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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