Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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