Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
