I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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