i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
