Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
