How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
