True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
