I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
