you traded sex for a burrito?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
