OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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