i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Holy shit dude........stairs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
