I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
