one word: firstdatebathroomanal
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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